I want to talk to her but, what can I say
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you see a woman and you want to talk to her, you want to break the ice and get to know her? Everything is perfect, till you start thinking…but what am I going to talk with her, what am I going to say? What if there will be weird long silences?
Does this situation sound familiar to you? It does to me because I have been there many times before. Thinking to myself, I want to talk to her, she is exactly my type, but I don’t know what to talk about. Many guys experience this issue, drowning in their thoughts and eventually the night is over and you find yourself in your bed thinking about the opportunity you missed and what you could do about it.
Nobody Teaches Us What to Say
Have you ever noticed that some guys seem effortlessly successful when talking to women? The conversation flows naturally, there’s laughter, and both sides enjoy the interaction. But why does it seem so easy for them while you find yourself struggling to think of what to say?
There are several reasons why some people are naturally good at talking to women while others struggle. One of the biggest factors is how we grow up. The way our parents treat us, the environment we are raised in, and various external influences all play a role in shaping our confidence and social skills.
For example, imagine a boy who has two older brothers encouraging him to talk to girls and teaching him what to say. Or a boy who is naturally good-looking for his age, attracting attention from girls who regularly talk and play with him. Likewise, a child whose parents are consistently loving, supportive, and responsive to his needs will likely grow up feeling more secure and confident in social situations.
All of these factors can contribute to someone becoming naturally good at talking to others. Having older brothers to guide him helps him gain experience and confidence. Receiving attention from girls at an early age allows him to feel comfortable in conversations, knowing he won’t be judged because they already like him. Growing up with loving and supportive parents helps him develop a sense of security, making him less fearful of rejection.
Now think about another guy, nobody taught him how to talk to girls, no girls showed him any attention when he was young, and his parents often rejected him showing no care. It is highly possible that person grows up with little to no knowledge of how to talk to women, feels not confident about himself because nobody liked him, and doesn’t feel secure about himself feeling that women will reject him. Now we can slowly start to understand, why someone might be thinking, ‘I want to talk to her but what am I going to say’.
What Was My Experience and How I Solved This Problem?
When I was growing up, I felt insecure about my appearance because my classmates would make fun of me. I faced rejection from different girls, and during high school, a girl I started a relationship with left me for someone else. A similar situation happened again at university. These experiences made me feel even more insecure when talking to girls—I constantly worried about what to say, what the right thing to say was, and what would happen if I couldn’t think of anything at all.
Eventually, I realized that things couldn’t continue this way. I had to take control and do something about this problem. That was the turning point when I decided to make real changes in my life.
First, I started reading. Reading about how to talk to girls, how to approach women, how to pick up girls, and how to become a better man. I got obsessed with reading and researching for a while because I wanted to solve this problem as soon as possible. I started following some of the advice in those books, such as; taking care of myself better, dressing better, hygiene, going to the gym, etc… But there was one important piece of advice. I had to push myself and try talking to women, the more I talk more experience I will get.
I followed that advice and pushed myself to talk to women. I started small—striking up conversations with women working in cafés and shops, chatting while waiting for the bus, and taking any opportunity to practice. I wasn’t trying to flirt; my goal was simply to get used to talking to women. Sometimes, I would ask how they were doing, what it was like working there, or what they were studying in school. The key was to initiate conversations, no matter how simple.
So, did it work? Absolutely. Over time, I found myself becoming much more comfortable—not just when talking to women but in conversations with anyone.
What I Learned During This Process?
After years of struggling to talk to women, I can now have conversations and flirt effortlessly—and the experience is genuinely enjoyable. But I believe that enjoyment shouldn’t be one-sided; the conversation should be just as engaging and pleasant for the person you’re talking to.
Going through these challenges made me realize that many men face the same struggles I once did. That’s why I decided to become a dating and relationship coach—to help others overcome these issues and build confidence in their interactions.
So, what advice can I give to you?
Today, I won’t be teaching how to flirt—that’s a topic that deserves its own article, and when I write it, I’ll link it here (it’s definitely in my plans). Instead, I’ll share some key principles that can be incredibly useful.
First, understand that women aren’t waiting to judge or make fun of you. In reality, most of them enjoy a good conversation and even flirting just as much as you do. If you ever think, She probably doesn’t want to talk, ask yourself—how do you know? If someone genuinely isn’t interested, you’ll pick up on it during the conversation, but don’t assume it before even trying.
That said, this doesn’t mean you should flirt with every woman you see. Instead, choosing the right setting makes a big difference. Social events, gatherings, and parties are great places where people are naturally open to conversation. Common environments like schools and workplaces also provide good opportunities to engage with others.
Research—research a lot, and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. By reading books, watching programs, and exploring these topics, you can learn a great deal. Even reading this post is a step in the right direction if you’re struggling with these issues.
Learning never stops. The more you search, the more you’ll discover, and the more you’ll grow. I also recommend watching TV shows and series featuring characters who are good at flirting—observe their approach and try to understand what makes them effective.
Implement. Implement what you learn. Researching is valuable, but if you don’t put it into practice, you’ll only end up feeling worse—thinking, I know what to do, but I’m still not doing it. You might even realize that you’re the one holding yourself back from achieving the results you want.
Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. So take a deep breath, stop overthinking the outcome for a moment, and just take that step—open your lips and say hi. Often, a simple hi is more effective than the best pickup line in the world.
In the beginning, you don’t need to focus on flirting. Just have simple conversations, build your confidence, and improve over time. There’s no need to rush—this isn’t a race. Take your time and learn at your own pace.
Rejection. Understand that rejection will going to happen, I don’t think it will happen a lot but sometimes it is going to happen and it is not the end of the world. She might be having a bad day, had a recent bad breakup, she is really busy or interested in somebody else. These are realities of life. So, don’t take rejection as personal, if you really felt something was wrong, just take some time to think about what was wrong and how you can improve that.
Some Tips on What to Talk With Women
During flirting situations, women make decisions more emotionally compared to men. This means while flirting we need to speak to their emotions. So, choosing topics that can trigger different emotions will work to our advantage and will make the conversion more exciting for them. On the other hand, limiting the conversation to a certain emotion will not work well for us.
For example, just talking about happy and nice topics may sound good, but they limit the conversation to just one emotion, on the other hand, talking about happy things, sad things, exciting things, and scary things in a conversation will allow you to shift her emotions from one place to another and will spark that attraction feeling in her towards you, because you are the one that is making her experience all those different emotions.
A few topic ideas to talk about and the secret formula:
- Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves, so make them talk about themselves. Your aim is to get to know her as much as possible and try to limit your talking, even if you want to. Let her speak and respond to what she says by using the Secret Formula:
Formula = Statement + Question
When she says something or replies to you, make a statement about what she says and ask her a related question about it.
If she says: I enjoy going to horror movies. You can say; I enjoy horror movies as well, they make me feel excited (Statement) + What makes you enjoy horror movies? (Question).
- Some other exciting, emotion-triggering topics to talk about are; Travel, Hobbies&Activities, Dating, Passions, Art, Sports, Nightlife, and Dance.
Basically, any topic that is fun and makes the other person share more. Topics that bring good and exciting memories are also good choices.
Conclusion
I think I already wrote more than I was planning for this post, but it is always nice to talk about these topics. If you feel like you are also struggling with these topics, don’t worry you are not alone and usually, it is not your fault to have these problems. No one tried to help you before. Now you have a better idea of what you can do. Start researching and developing yourself and most importantly, implement what you learned, Talk to more women. If you enjoy reading about these topics. If you are interested in getting personally tailored help and learning how to talk to women confidently you can book a call with me by clicking the link below!
